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Archive for February, 2011

I didn’t so much move from San Francisco as I was booted headlong across the continent.  Though I officially turned my lease over on Feb 1st, I stayed on in SF until Feb 11th.  This proved to be a mistake for many reasons:

1) I didn’t even go to Tahoe during that time, my original reason for staying.  I just drank my face off and may have permanently burned out the light bulb in my brain.

2) Due to a Nerf gun war on Feb 3rd, I was told I was no longer welcome in the apartment building.  My roommate told our 80-year-old mildly demented downstairs neighbor that we were “chasing each other around” when she inquired to the noise of “thunderous horses” in our apartment.  She started her inquiry off with screaming hysterically “I will not live like this.”  I think she was a little shocked with the homo-erotic explanation of “chasing each other around.”  Remember, this is San Francisco, and my roommate definitely looks gay and probably is gay.

3) After being told I was no longer welcome, I obviously completely disregarded that and continued sleeping on the too-small couch in the living room.  A few days later my subletter was blasting country music while dropping things onto the floor in his room and our favorite crazy neighbor called my probably gay roommate to complain about me.  He admitted that I was still in the apartment.  This infuriated her, and prompted a second letter stating that if I was seen on the “premises” again, “all necessary steps” would be taken to have me removed.  I assume this is up to and including assassination by Mission gangbangers.  So obviously I completely disregarded this and continued staying in the apartment.  I did take a few precautions, such as shaving my beard into a moustache and wearing a hood whenever I went into or out of the apartment.

I managed to avoid being arrested or assassinated or assaulted with dentures or whatever and got into a cab with 8 bags to head to the airport.  Due to spending 2 hours trying to make sure my furniture wasn’t going to be pillaged…tbc

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